The times I remember how American I am

B's brother and his girlfriend were here for the weekend, and I was reminded of how American I am.

I can't seem to remember to prepare an apéro. Or rather, it doesn't seem necessary or important for me. For me, when we sit down at the table, everything is finished and we start to eat. For the girlfriend, when we sit down, the dishes should still need 10 minutes of cooking, during which time we drink pastis and eat saucisse or chips.

Everyone turned to me as though I was in charge to know what the plan was for each meal, and I think they were confused when I responded "Why are you asking me? I have no idea." Actually, B was more upset than confused and retorted that of course I would be in charge of the meals because I am picky about what we eat. I don't like being the default cook or having the role of organizer pushed on me. Since when was the hostess the only person capable of planning a meal? They've all got two arms, two legs, and a brain.

Anyway, I got the relive all the "oh, you're different" comments such as "Can I look at your cookbooks? Oh wait, they're in English...." and "Why do you have such-and-such in your refrigerator?" I feel like all my cooking methods are put in question as well. "You're putting the potatoes in the oven now? Isn't it early?" "Don't you want me to skin the tomatoes?" "Are you sure you don't want to make a meat dish?"

Our apartment starts to feel small with 4 people as well. Only one toilet, only one shower, fold out bed in the living room and suitcases that block me from getting to my armoire which is in the living room since there's no room for my clothes in the bedroom.... I think the one toilet was the biggest problem. We have everything we need to have guests, but sometimes it feels like those logic games where you have one free space and you can only move one piece at a time.

The girlfriend's family is apparently being difficult right now as well, which meant that she and B's brother stayed two nights instead of one. The girlfriend is Jewish and her sister is rather conservative and changed her mind about wanting B's brother and the girlfriend to sleep at her apartment here in Toulouse since they aren't engaged or married. B, raised in a liberal family, doesn't understand why in the world the girlfriend's family would be upset that she's living with a non-Jew boyfriend. Circumcision is another flash point between B and the girlfriend. B doesn't see the point and the girlfriend considers it very important, or rather the "normal" thing to do for a baby boy. Perhaps it was my American side that shies away from heated arguments (especially in public and with close friends or family), but the fight between B and the girlfriend about circumcision at a bar Saturday evening was disconcerting for me. Is the expression "We'll agree to disagree" uniquely American?

I'll chalk it up to my American-ness as well, but I didn't understand why B's brother and his girlfriend hesitated to get themselves breakfast in the morning. When I'm staying with family, they show me where everything is, and then I help myself. Both mornings this weekend, they waited for me to set things out or to say they could help themselves before they did so. The girlfriend spent the week at her sisters and mentioned that she had a week of laundry to do since she hadn't wanted to burden her sister. That struck me as really odd that her sister would be the one to wash her clothes, and that the machines weren't available to everyone. When I go to my aunt's, she reminds me how her machines work and which buttons to push, and leaves it up to me to wash what I want. But then again, B's mother never taught B or his brother how to use the washer or dryer at their house, and his mother does everyone's laundry to this day (when we're visiting that is), so perhaps it's a French thing?

Maybe America has much more of a self-serve culture? Like all-you-can-eat buffets or fountain drink machines open to the public, where you fill up when you want how you want. Being a good guest in America means being self-sufficient and not always relying on your host to prepare everything. Perhaps that's what makes these weekends so awkward. I expect guests to be self-sufficient and avoid doing too much for them because I worry that that would be overbearing, but then get frustrated when they wait for me to initiate something or do it for them.

It's times like these that I realize how much B has become acclimated to my "bizzare" ways. Thank heaven I found a Frenchman who appreciates an American point of view.