So, we're in 100° weather in San Diego.
It's strange to feel like nothing's changed. I drove over to a friend's house and it was like yesterday climbing into my mom's car. So many of the things in my room haven't moved since high school. My parents have repainted some walls and changed the food in the cupboard, but the complicated light switches haven't changed. I can still open my desk drawers knowing what will be there before I open them.
My mom made some suggestion sex and wet spots while handing me some towels the first night we arrived. B and I just about gagged ourself and B said he was really glad his parents didn't talk to him about sex or give suggestions. Somewhere my mom missed the general truism that children don't like talking about sex with their parents.
I'm happy to report that I'm working on a new laptop though, a very nice present from my parents. My dad is a real tech-y, so he loves to make sure I have the newest technology. B and I are going to give my old laptop to his mom so that she can have her own laptop to check her mail and look at the animals at the local SPA website. I'm supposed to have a new iPod delivered in the mail as well. I'd kind of gotten the feeling that my parents wanted to buy me a new iPod, but I wasn't expecting the computer. I'm sure my mom would say that they really can't afford to buy it all, especially with the new computers they bought themselves recently, but my dad just focuses on what he'd like to give, not on whether or not they have the money to buy it.
B and I have yet to go up to LA to the consulate to ask for the Visa. We were talking with some French-American friends of my parents that came down to visit and go to an outdoor concert with us yesterday, and the mother was worried I wouldn't be able to get a visa to go back to France with just the Pacs. This lead to the new favorite discussion subject: Why don't you two just get married? Which I suppose is a valid question, but I hate that it's imposed on me like that. Lots of other people in France, mixed nationality couples included, live happily without getting married. I just know that if we do decided to get married quickly without any kind of fanfare I'm going to have some angry friends (What!?! I wasn't invited?!?!). And I don't like this idea that being married is more mature than living together or just having a Pacs.
Maybe I'm just against marriage because I feel like marriage means my parents' marriage, which I know isn't true, but I can't avoid. My parents got married more or less because they had to, not because they wanted to. I said that visas and residency cards were crappy reasons to get married, and my mom made a comment about how my parents were forced to get married in a hurry (with a read-between-the-lines message of 'and look how long we've lasted and it worked out well').
Well, that's a vicious circle, I should talk more about seeing my friend Britainy, spending a lazy Labor Day afternoon in her pool, chatting with her and Bart, and spending time with my parents. I'm glad to report that my mom is working on several new sewing projects. Sewing is my mom's stress reliever, and there were several years that went by when she didn't touch her machines, which wasn't good. My dad is still addicted to watching tennis, but he's helped me a lot setting up my new computer.
And I'm enjoying the books I bought used. They're all feminist critiques of marriage. What can you expect from a Mount Holyoke grad? It's nice to read something for fun. I haven't done it enough recently. I might even check something out from the library while I'm here, since my card is still valid.
B disappeared. I should go see what he's up to, and maybe help my mom make dinner.
More updates soon on my visit to the States!
1 comment:
Sounds like you're enjoying your time back home in the U.S.! I know it's always nice when I go back home to visit my parents and brothers as well, but then I end up getting a case of cabin fever after something like four or five days because I feel like I'm not doing things the way I'm used to doing them back "home" in my place -- which is actually in France!
You're a Mount Holyoke grad?! I went to Hollins! But I'm ages older than you are, and I'm STILL trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life! But that's something that's followed me for years and years; somehow I feel like it's a curse, but I know we all have separate paths, and some of us take longer to get where we "belong" so to speak, than others. At least I'm in France, where I wanted to make a home for myself. I try to console myself with that when I get frustrated or lost.
Several comments I wanted to make on your post, which really got me thinking: I don't know California that well, but it sounds really nice there... And how laid-back and cool are your parents?! I mean, maybe it does make you feel uncomfortable, and I can understand that, but I come from more of an old-fashioned family, and I was raised Catholic, so trust me -- sex is not mentioned under my parents' roof! Which in a way I find completely ridiculous... For years basically if I brought a boyfriend home, it was made very clear that we would never "share a bed under their roof" because we weren't married... From there to mentioning wet spots, ha ha! I would laugh it off. I think it must be nice to have a relaxed atmosphere like that, to be able to be yourself.
So as a result, now that I'm past the 30-year mark, it gets really uncomfortable when I head home... Oddly enough -- or ironically enough -- when I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family last year, my mother was surprised when I told them I had arranged for us to stay at my brother's place -- she literally said, "Well, why aren't you staying here?" Um, mom, duh?!
Nice gifts, thouugh, WOW -- a laptop and a new iPod, excellent! My parents do often help me pay for a plane ticket back home to visit, when they can, but money is also a sort of awkward issue in my family. And my mom is usually the decision-maker, so even if my dad might WANT to do something extravagant, my mom would probably nix it!
(I swear I love my Mom, I do, even if I'm not making it sound that way here -- but she just isn't always easy to live with! At least she has relaxed a bit more with age...)
Oh, and the marriage question -- I hear ya on that!! I hate the fact that back home it's so frowned upon, simply the idea of living with someone on the long term, not necessarily getting married, whereas people do it here in France all the time: raise children, stay together and build a family and life together... I'm not going to lie; in a way, I think I might eventually want to get married again with my boy, but for the moment it's just not in the immediate plans. And I know he's not big on marriage at all, even though his parents were together for more than 40 years before his mom passed away...
I guess it's just a French thing! But I would definitely say not to rush into the marriage thing, just from personal experience -- take your time, you have plenty of it! And I imagine the PACS helps you to be able to live longer in France anyway. You said you're coming back to work in the States though, right?
Sorry to have gone on for FAR TOO LONG -- very bad habit of mine! I just like to share experiences.
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