Unmentionables

I meant to blog about this a week and a half ago, but afternoons at the beach got in the way.

I mentioned that my brother-in-law's girlfriend went shopping with my mil and they stopped by a factory outlet that sells lingerie, pajamas, and swimsuits. B's swimming suit was kind of old and the elastic waistband was mostly shot, so we decided to stop by the two of us during the week. I wanted a swim suit as well since I had to throw away my good one the week before and the sales meant everything was well priced.

After I found the last bikini in my size (there were a million size 46's), I figured I'd browse the lingerie. I found myself searching the racks for my size next to a middle age man who would occasionally say to his wife "Look at this one. You should try it on." And his wife would head to the dressing stall, and the husband would wait outside in case she needed a different size.

Now, B might point to something and say he thinks it's nice, and he held my purse while I was trying things on, but it struck me (and B) as really weird that it was the husband who was doing the shopping and more or less deciding what his wife would wear.

Waiting in line at the cash register there was an older man with a young woman and B said he couldn't figure out if they were father-daughter or a couple, but that either way it was weird they were buying lingerie together.

This lead to a discussion about the relationship to lingerie with French people versus American. In high school my friends and I played a prank on a guy friend and offered him his birthday or Christmas present in a Victoria's Secret bag, just to embarrass him. No guy ventures into the pinkness of VS unless he's buying his wife pajamas or their body lotion/perfume gift bag.

I remember going to the lingerie department of JC Penny with my mom as a kid, but I don't remember if my brother was on those shopping trips or not. My dad most certainly was not. But my mom grew up in rather conservative farming communities and she's never been one to dress up in high heels and red lipstick, so maybe it's just my family? Are there American men who shop for lingerie? who know what underwire, boycut versus bikini, demi-cup, and racerback mean? (Speaking of racerback, has anyone ever seen one for sale in France? Or are they as rare as sports bras?)

After the shopping trip I mentioned it to the girlfriend and she said her brother-in-law regularly picks out her older sister's lingerie.

While I can understand to a point the "Here honey, I'd love to see you wearing this" point of view, I can't wrap my head around the idea of letting someone else completely influence something so intimate and related to your personal comfort.

Are French men more comfortable with their sexuality? More demanding of what their women wear? Or French women less private about it, whereas American women view it as a highly private choice that might be revealed as a surprise in the bedroom? Perhaps the 16 hour bra is the answer: in America it's the woman's comfort that's important; in France this bra doesn't really exist or at least comfort is rarely a selling point.

In the end we left the store with just our swimsuits. I couldn't find anything in my size and sports bras and non-thongs were not to be found. I guess if I really wanted to be like the French, I'd wear my lace thong and bra that cost an arm and a leg to the gym or dance class (like I see so many women do). On second thought, I don't really want to be like them.