Jumble

I feel like I'm in a weird no-man's land. After lots and lots of tutoring in August, I'm down to twice a week. I'm registered for classes, but they won't start till the 29th, and I have no idea what my schedule will be like or how many hours of class I'll have each week. My dance classes started again (and my thighs and calves pleaded for mercy), and our community band starts up again soon (if we decide to go back). And then there are the weddings (discussed at the end).

I've been forcing myself (and B's been forcing me too) to go to the Auto-Ecole every afternoon I can, but for now it's one of the few things I have to do often. There's always the laundry, dishes, vacuuming, mopping the weird splotches on the kitchen floor, and tending to our mini-garden, but I feel like I'm forgetting something most days. I feel like there's some appointment I forgot about or some project/task I'm missing.

Maybe it's because I forgot to go to a doctor's appointment last week and then failed to focus on the fact that my library books were due (and are now over-due).

Wednesday morning I went to a conference held at the Fac de Sciences Sociales (where I'll be studying) entitled "Femmes et Entreprises". It was really interesting and reminded me of my women's college and all the debates about the role of women in politics, business, education, etc.

The first hour and a half was a round table discussion with the head of social relations from Peugeot-Citroën, the president of Caisse d'Epargne for Midi-Pyrénées, and the woman in charge of female relations for the union CFDT. The man from Peugeot talked about the efforts the company has taken to identify differences in salary, why women aren't promoted at the same rate as men, and why certain departments have less than the average number of female employees. It sounded like Peugeot is really dedicated to having equality in the workplace. Next the regional president of Caisse d'Epargne spoke about the disparities of salary and responsabilities for women within the bank and how they were trying to change that. Caisse d'Epargne has only recently started to address the differences though, so he didn't have as many results to give as the Peugeot representative. The Caisse d'Epargne president got booed as well when he explained why he though men and women were better at certain tasks: men are the best at sales, but they don't take consider the other parts of the business; men are the best at doing the administrative/accounting work that goes on behind the scenes to keep a branch bank running smoothly; and women are the best managers because managing employees and their problems is like managing children and women are good at that because they do it all the time (the point at which he got booed).

With the woman from the union, the discussion got into the nitty gritty reasons why women aren't in as many top positions as men: a man demonstrating his authority is a powerful leader, a woman demonstrating her authority is bitchy; women who reach the top often pull up the ladder behind them instead of helping out those at the bottom of the career ladder; women are more often criticized or forced to defend their work/choices which means they can't just do their job, they have to do their job and defend everything they do; having children means taking months off work, which means hassle for the boss who has to find a replacement, and then once the woman is back at work she has special demands, like leaving early to pick up her kids at the nursery.

Before the second round table started, there was an interview with the wife of the French ambassador to Ethiopia and she talked about the status and condition of women in Ethiopia. In case you're wondering the verdict is "horrible". The second round table was with three business owners from Eastern Europe: an engineer from Romania, a lawyer from Hungary, and a business owner from the Czech Republic. They talked about women working and starting businesses in Eastern Europe and the most surprising comment was that women have a more equal professional status in those three countries than in France. During communism, women weren't allowed to be homemakers, and they were sent to work in every industry. After years of "forced" equality, women in factory or construction jobs is normal. Apparently former communist countries also have the most women in governement. Everyone in the amphitheather laughed when the women said that after the first round table, they found the French to be very theororetical because there's no debate about the role of women in their countries, people just do.

Today's Friday, and it's been almost a week since I sent the email to my parents about how B and I want a very simple ceremony and reception in the States. I held out for most of the week and didn't read my email, but people started sending messages to B when I didn't respond, so I had to catch up. My mom did finally send a response, and she basically says that while B and I might want to do xyz, we can't forget that a wedding is also a celebration for the parents so we should do a little bit of what they want.

On the one hand, that makes me want to say that if they aren't okay with us doing what we want to do we won't do anything at all (and take that!), but then I realized that's kind of "My way or the highway!" and I don't like it when other people are like that.

And on the other hand..... I don't know, it makes me feel depressed about the whole thing. My mom mentioned in her email that marriage is a "milestone" both for the couple and the parents. What I really don't get is that my mom, who lived with my dad before they got married and wore a flower skirt with daisies in her hair (it was 1972), is all tripped up in the symbolism and meaning of the event. Perhaps in 15 years I'll look back on my 24 year old self and realize I was naïve, but I don't see the wedding as a milestone. B and I already suffered through learning to live together, building furniture together (a bit traumatic), and running a household (which still requires a lot of effort and will require effort forever, I think). We've had our Pacs for a year and getting married seemed a good idea to express our level of commitment (boyfriend/girlfriend or partner just didn't cut it) and to make things easier immigration wise.

For us it feels like celebrating an important birthday: yay let's toast! And we're the same as yesterday. I didn't become an "adult" the day I turned 18 or 21. It happened in bursts and starts: moving away for college, the summer I moved to Alaska to live with my then-boyfriend, studying abroad in France, traveling alone in Italy for two weeks, more traveling alone in Maine and Canada, moving in with B, job-hunting in France, temping in San Diego, moving to a new city in France... We won't become a "married couple" the instant we say our vows either. In a lot of respects, we've already become one. Maybe that's the problem; people want to see the "beginning" and know that they were there when it all started, but the fact is that the "beginning" is too elusive to be necessarily recognized or witnessed.

Maybe I should just accept the fact that the celebration in the States won't be what we want. My parents will be happy thinking they've helped plan a lovely wedding, and B and I will chuckle and remember instead our French wedding. After all, it's the date of the French wedding we're having engraved on our rings. I hate to take such a jaded attitude, but I'm not sure what else there is to do.