I went out last night with a group of people I largely didn't know to celebrate a couple's engagement at the same country western bar I posted about a few weeks ago.
I saw some people I haven't been in contact with since high school, and so there were lots of "So, what are you up to now?" questions.
My friend's ex-boyfriend even asked me about living abroad and what I thought of it. Not just the normal which-county-do-you-prefer questions, but really curious about my experience. I had to practically yell above the music, but I tried to tell him about it. Then another friend asked how long it took be to become "fluent" in French because she wants to go to Argentina for a few months and improve her Spanish. I shocked her by explaining that the better you speak a language, the more you realize that "fluent" is a very fluid term and hard to define. Yes, I could say I speak French fluently. I got a 5 out of 6 on the Test de Conaissances de Français. I get along in everyday life. But can I write a formal letter very well? (um, not really) Do I understand Coluche's stand up routines? (not really either) I have an accent, but it's very slight. I can speak quickly and carry on a conversation, but I might make a grammatical mistake. How many months will it take to become "fluent"? my friend wants to know. The more you know, the more you find there still is to learn.
I didn't have that great of a time because I was watching purses and drinks for most of the time, but it was also just a strange group of people. The couple are very active in their Catholic church, so many of the invited were members of the young adults group. Plus some friends of friends that have never met any of those people. I found out that the proposal was a complete surprise to the girl as well. Who doesn't discuss that kind of thing nowadays though? Seriously, they never talked about if they thought marriage was on the horizon? My grandmother said she married her first husband (my grandfather) simply because he proposed. I think there's a reason that that happened in 1948. Maybe I just don't like the seemingly passive role of the fiancée, that it was the man that took the initiative and she didn't have any role in planning the engagement. He asked/told her parents ahead of time as well, which rubs me wrong. Who still thinks that the woman's parents need to consent to who their adult daughter marries?
I think B and I will be fighting for a while to explain our un-orthodox choice to sign a Pacs and not plan a wedding. He says he gets questions about every week about where we're getting married and what date we've chosen. Umm, sorry to disappoint, but we haven't and we aren't going to chose.
2 comments:
Wait, do you mean French people are asking him when you guys are going to get married? How bizarre! We barely know any couples our age who are married and not many really even plan on it, even the ones that already have a coupe kids!
As for the fluency thing....I agree, there are many levels. I didn't speak any French upon arrival here four years ago, and now, four years later, I work as a translator. But do I feel 100% fluent yet? No way! I think real fluency implies much more than just being able to speak the language - it also covers the kind of cultural stuff you mentioned, like knowing important historical figures, being able to understand jokes, etc, and all of that comes with time (and not just in a few months).
Hey, it's been a while since I've commented... Just catching up on your blog here, and I wanted to say that I agree on the fluency subject. Even though I've been living here now for more than five years and spent three years in France in the '90s, I have a hard time getting my head around the word "fluent" and "bilingual", because I think it can vary so much from one person to the next. I do put that element on my CV, because you kind of have to push the positives for the professional side, but otherwise I'm constantly learning new things too! Like the expression "en cloque" which I recently learned is French slang for "knocked-up"! Go figure... Found out because of the American comedy movie that came out.
As for the unorthodox element -- hear, hear! I've been down the marriage route, and I may or may not get married again one day, but for the time being I'm just happy to be fully committed to my boyfriend, and not to feel some specific obligation from society to make it "official". I'm not saying I wouldn't be against the idea, down the road, and I want to do it more than my boyfriend, to be honest, but that's my old-fashioned side speaking, fully influenced by my mother. Otherwise, I know how my boy and I feel about each other, and I hate to have to justify our approach to life! It's such a personal thing.
Post a Comment