Every three months or so I'll take a look at my ex-boyfriend's myspace profile and see what he's up to. That's how I found out he got married about 16 months after we broke up (and we'd decided we wanted to get married, long story). It's also how I found up he got divorced about 5 months later when he realized he was still in love with his first girlfriend (the one we broke up about).
I thought I'd take a look tonight, and saw that he'd posted about a girl I knew in high school and that I knew he'd remained friends with. A few months ago I'd gathered that she was going to visit him.
And then I read her blog and it's all about their romance and the two months she's spending up in Alaska living with him. She's listed as married and he's listed as 'in a relationship'. I can't find any blog entries or wall postings congratulating her or even talking about it, so the best I can figure out is that they want to get married and she changed her status because she figured she was as good as married.
Here's my dilemma: she's posted about problems and her concerns with the relationship, which were my exact problems and concerns. She's met the ex-wife, and knows about his past relationships, which led her to wonder if things won't end up like that for her (i.e. broken up). I kind of want to contact her and tell her I've been there before and if she has any questions I'd be glad to talk about my experience, but this is really none of my business. And I only know about it because I read her blog (which has 0 comments, so is anyone else reading it?). Weighing against the none-of-my-business argument is that she's about to make a huge commitment and worried she's making the wrong decision. And I was there too! She doesn't want to take his last name because it's from his step-father and a bit strange, but wants the two of them to have the same last name, which was exactly what I thought 4 years ago! I see a lot of my old relationship in her posts.
You hate to see people make the same mistakes you made, especially when they might be avoided, but giving and receiving advice for matters of the heart is difficult.
So many things became clear months after the relationship was over, and I know I would have preferred to know those things while we were together (but that's me). I feel I might be able to provide that perspective to his new girlfriend.
I'll have to sit on this for a few days.
1 comment:
I do think it is your business, but on the other hand, it's almost certain that she won't listen to a word you have to say.
I used to get emails from people wanting to move to France or assistants wanting to stay in France, so I responded back to them honestly saying it was really difficult (no jobs, cds problems, etc). They get all upset and say I'm trying to ruin their dreams blah blah blah. And so they go for it anyways and most fall flat on their face and end up going home.
But what can you do? I finally just realized that people just need to learn for themselves, and that they're going to do it anyways no matter what you tell them, so when I get them now, I just send back a generic answer and wish them good luck.
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