Language in couples

I'm copy cating Andromeda's post on language in couples, and adding my two cents to the discussion.

B and I have always spoken French together, although 4 years ago that meant me struggling and B getting a hugh laugh about 3 (okay 7) times a day from my mistakes. Now he says he regrets a little bit correcting my French so much because the little pronunciation and grammar mistakes I used to make all the time have all but disappeared (although I still whip up some good word-to-word translations from time to time).

When I was still struggling so hard to be understood the first time and to participate in classroom discussions, I really noticed the differences in my voice and my language "personalities". I think I have a slightly deeper voice in English, and for whatever reason, I speak a little "higher" in French. My improving vocabulary, grammar, and confidence/experience in French have allowed my English and French personalities to mostly converge, but not yet 100%. Part of that is due to the fact that I was really on top of things in the States, whereas here, I'm always learning. Just last week I was really confused by some Insurance business, and I only just figured out the difference between what I had understood, and what was really happening.

Not that I was ever the class clown or the family comedian (my brother had that role), but I used to make wry comments to friends and classmates. Today in class I was thinking about that and the fact that between my less-than-desired vocabulary and foreign sense of humor, I couldn't do that.

But back to speaking in a couple. Since B and I have always lived in France, my French improved much quicker than his English (though it's improved, mostly due to me wanting to watch American tv shows and not me tutoring him...). I spent a lot of time with B's family the first year we were together, and after a while I was able to understand his dad and his grandpa (though grandpa sometimes says really weird stuff that doesn't make sense, so then you're left pondering what you heard). B, on the other hand, hasn't spent more than 2 weeks at a time with my family, and before my parents came to France for the wedding, he'd never had to speak with them more than, say 3 hours a day (since they were working or we were off shopping/visiting friends). The first time we went to the States B felt really deflated because my mom didn't understand his accent. Before each trip to the States, B has always thus been motivated to improve his English so my family and friends (and store clerks) will understand him more easily.

B has a joke that when I speak in English it's because I'm angry. I should find him some I Love Lucy clip where Ricky goes off in Spanish after Lucy has gotten herself into some predicament. It's true, that first thing in the morning, when I'm cursing the world that I have to get up when I'm so tired, I do have a tendency to say something along the line "No, I won't cuddle, I have to get up!" But I also use English when I don't know the word or it's something complicated.

B often gets compliments from foreign patients he speaks English with. I'm always proud of him when I hear that, and I created an excuse for my word-to-word translations: "Well, now you know how it works in English, so that helps you speak it better!"

If we ever move back to the States, we might talk more often in English, but not more often than in French. It's part of the identity of our relationship. And plus it's totally awesome to be able to use your own special "code" without anyone understanding what you're saying. We might have abused this a bit to gossip about people at the next table over when at restaurants, but it also lets you say lovey-dovey stuff or 'your fly is down' without anyone else understanding.