Diplomacy has been on my mind recently.
Not the international, political kind, the family/friend/relationship kind.
What does diplomacy mean? What are the positives and negatives? Does being "diplomatic" mean different things in France and in the US? Is it any different from negotiating, or charming people? Can it be learned? Can it be faked? Is getting people to do what you want them to do a skill to be desired or manipulation? Is diplomacy just a euphemism for manipulation? Is the skillfull omission of unwelcome information "diplomacy", or a lie for them and for you?
Currently listening: Philip Glass solo piano (which makes me incredibly sad I don't have a piano...)
2 comments:
I'm not sure about diplomacy in France vs. the US, but I have experienced some diplomacy differences in Texas vs. the northeast.
I realized when I was in high school that all my friends whose moms are very southern were ALWAYS SMILING and NEVER SAID ANYTHING BAD. I'm convinced it's based in being a perfect southern hostess serving lemonade on the porch back in antebellum times. No joke. These women are always gracious and friendly, and never utter a cross word.
My mom, on the other hand, while being one of the classiest women I know, will tell someone when something is really not okay or right. She will do it in the most graceful way possible, but she will say it. The same is true for a lot of women in the northeast.
When I pointed this observation out to my mom, she agreed with me and said that she knew some people in Texas probably found her brusque or undiplomatic for speaking her mind when something was really bugging her.
I think it's a different idea of what diplomacy is: in the south, the most diplomatic thing to do is to keep your mouth shut and put a smile on your face. In the north, the diplomatic thing to do is to very kindly point out how someone is bugging you. After all, if you don't point it out, they won't stop, and then it just gets worse.
Of course, there are people who don't fit into either mold. But as a general rule, it seems to hold true.
I was researching vague language for my English tutoring and I read something about how German speakers use very little vague language. An English speaker using phrases like "sort of", "kind of", "well, you see", "do you know what I mean?" "but that's just my opinion" seem very wishy-washy to Germans. And oppositly, German speakers seem unnecessarily direct and harsh or direct because they rarely soften up their discours with "fluff". I think adding vague language is one way anglo-phones try to by diplomatic; by being unspecific, they aren't totally disagreeing with the other person. That leads of course to the idea that in American culture, it's taboo/uncomfortable to openly disagree with friends. After all, the logic goes, if you don't agree with them, why are you friends?
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