An American wedding

June 11th I took an early morning flight to Albuquerque, New Mexico to attend the wedding of a childhood friend on Saturday the 13th.

I was happy to go, despite the price of my plane ticket, because I hadn't seen my friend in a while and I had never met his bride-to-be. We've mostly kept in contact despite the distance, and I felt like making the effort to be at his wedding would be important to maintaining our friendship.

I wasn't entirely wrong; I did reconnect with my friend and spend time with his friends and family, but as the wedding played out I realized I had exaggerated hopes of the kind of experience I would have.

Thursday evening I did a 'bike to breweries' tour with part of the bridal party and other friends, and I hung out at golf with my friend Friday morning and then watched the rehearsal before heading to the dinner. Saturday morning I got a visit of my friend's coffee business and then met up again with the bridal party and other guests for lunch.

The wedding was organized at a museum, with an early evening outdoor ceremony followed by a cocktail hour and then a dinner upstairs. Upon learning that the bar was open the half hour before the ceremony I was a bit perplexed (yes, people took their beer bottles with them for the ceremony), and then a bit disappointed that the cocktail hour would be without the bridal party since that was their photo shoot slot. At 7:30pm everyone headed upstairs for the meal, and the couple kicked everything off by doing the first dances right away. But disappointment started setting in. My table was one of the last to be able to go to the buffet table, and by the time we finished our plates and were thinking about getting seconds the buffet had disappeared. Cake was cut at 8:30pm and by 9 dancing was starting and guests were starting to leave. I knew the venue closed at 11pm (!!) so around 10 I started talking to the bridal party and other guests to see who was interested in doing an after party. A certain number were interested, although the number of guests who actually made it downtown was significantly reduced. We went to a mediocre club and had poorly mixed drinks, and when they started closing the side rooms/bars to push people towards the main dance floor we started walking back, stopping for pizza on the way. In a rather disappointing turn of events I had to sleep on the couch of the couple who lived downtown because I didn't have any way to get back to the groom's brother's house (where I was staying) on the other side of town.

Sunday I bought some shoes for my husband, bought some exorbitantly priced fruits and vegetables, spent some time with my friend and his bride at his parents' house, and then went to bed early. Monday afternoon I flew back to France, and it couldn't have been sooner.

While I was there I got the usual questions about being an immigrant like I get in France: will you ever move back the US? what do you do? where do you live? where is Toulouse? how long did it take to adapt to living in France?

Then I got "dumb" questions: do you speak French? how are French men different from American men? why aren't you staying longer in the US during your trip?

So why was it a disappointing trip?

The hurried wedding and morally dubious price tag.
The wedding seemed so short to me: ceremony at 6, venue closing at 11pm. We had barely set our forks down when the waiters were trying to clear our table. Every 'event' was timed and there was no relaxed partying. You would have thought everyone had a plane to catch.
Add to that the price my friend revealed: $35,000. That works out to $100 a minute. Per minute. That was also the down payment of the groom's brother for his house. It's insane so spend in 5 hours the down payment on a house. Not to mention the food was mediocre and the wine horrible.

The food.
It was hard to eat real food while I was there. And when it was real food it was usually meat and carbohydrate based. Sunday I bought fruits, vegetables, and yogurt because I was craving something healthy. But the fruit and vegetable section at the grocery store was pitiful! There wasn't much beyond tomatoes, carrots, and bagged salad, and everything was expensive. Peaches were being sold 3 for $2. It's no wonder Americans don't eat well: good food is way too expensive!

Everyone's obsession with consuming.
I saw quite a bit of the new housing developments on the west side of Albuquerque because that is were the groom's brother (my host) and his parents live. Lots of new identical 3 and 4 bedroom houses air-conditioned 24 hours a day. Real-estate is apparently cheap, so just about anyone can afford a 3 bed, 2 bath house, but no one thought of all the hidden costs: driving everywhere since you're so far from everything, heating and cooling such a large space, having to buy so much more furniture to fill up the place, larger ecological imprint. My friend said he doesn't see himself staying very long in the current house he shares with his wife (3bed, 2 bath I think) because it would be okay for 1 kid but not for 2. Another couple made the same comment. My friend was rear-ended on the freeway on Thursday and while his truck had minimal damage, the smaller car was totaled. His take away? "Everyone should drive a big truck." During the wedding after party a girl was telling me about how lucky she and her boyfriend were to have some connections in Las Vegas so that they could get comped private tables which normally cost $1,000 for a basic table but $5,000 for a decent one.

I sometimes feel frustrated that I earn so little in France, but I would never accept a larger paycheck if it meant giving up the things I have come to value: spending time with family and friends, eating well, enjoying experiences rather than objects or possessions.