And they all came to a head yesterday evening when I filled in for a friend to host the pub night and after getting jostled in a super crowded and busy pub for 45 minutes and no one from the club showing up, I decided I would individually contact each person.
So I wrote this message and copied and pasted it 45 times in Facebook Messenger:
Hey, we missed you at the FEU pub night. Hope we can see you soon at another event. The scholarship presentation tomorrow should be really interesting!
Before I was done with the 45 messages I started getting my first replies.
Wait, what? I didn't know about it!
Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t even realize there was something going on. I think Facebook keeps me from these things !!!! Lol what’s up tomorrow ?
Thanks for reaching out with your message. So sweet of you to think of me. Sorry! I've just been busy and was too tired to go out. So lame, I know!
Hi sorry what is that?
I think you actually have the wrong Nicole!
Hi, thanks for reaching out! I would love to have made it to the pub night/to make it tonight, but I've been a little overwhelmed with my program/preparing for the CAPES, and a baby on the way. But thank you so much for extending the invite! I hope to attend an event once I'm through exams/the first round of the concours. Thanks again!
Hiya! Unfortunately, I don't live in France anymore! I'll be back visiting soon though!
I started replying, explaining that I was not mistaken since they were a member of the Facebook group for the French American club, and that there were a number of events both upcoming and just past.
From that first reply, a real conversation started. What, an active club with activities was going on and the teaching assistant didn't know about it? I offered to meet her at the metro station and walk with her to tonight's event. And we met, and discovered she's teaching in Foix like I did 10 years ago.
The Nicole who thought I was mistaken turned out to be (after a lengthy conversation) to be a teaching assistant in large village out in the countryside about an hour outside of Toulouse. She doesn't have a car and won't be coming to any monthly event, but I think there's a possibility of her further connecting with the club.
And from being super frustrated that "no one is interested or involved" because no one showed up to the event, I became more aware of the individuals behind "no one". That being pregnant and preparing for the CAPES means less time for club events. That living far away just means its complicated to come. That the info didn't get through but their still interested. That yesterday wasn't good for them, but next month might be. That our events are not suited for people with kids.
The biggest take-away is that it needs to be personal. It can be frustrating that people "only come if their friend is there", but I think it's possible to move the needle on who counts as a friend if you just reach out and make a personal connection.
People are ready and willing. They just missed the email.
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