We were all convinced her treatment was working, and cancer was just going to be one bad year before she turned 69 and got back to her active life.
Now it looks like she might not make her November birthday. With a prognosis of 6 months to live, my uncle booked the Alaksa cruise he and my aunt had always been meaning to do. But this morning I got an email that with my aunt back in the hospital due to uncontrollable pain, and the cruise has been cancelled.
I'm a bit shell shocked, sometimes paralyzed, and by moments in denial. I had a hard time trying to call when I got the news this past weekend. What do you say? "Hi, I heard you're dying." I haven't been able to reach my aunt since she lives out in the countryside without cell coverage and it's hard to catch a good moment with 9 hours of difference.
I want to go and visit before it's too late, but it's complicated to try to match travel plans I can manage (dates, price, work) with my aunt's health. Tuesday we fly to the States for a week for a friend's wedding in Connecticut, and I could modify my return flight and do a quick trip to California, but I feel overwhelmed trying to figure out the logistics.
Because I could not stop for Death –
He kindly stopped for me –
The Carriage held but just Ourselves –
And Immortality.
3 comments:
So sorry to hear you're going through this. It will happen to all of us who live far from our families at some point, in some shape or form. I hope you get to talk to her or visit or at least skype. You could always send a card too or a letter. I'm sure that feels small but I think these things do count for the people we love.
In those situations, I always tell myself that the absolute worst thing would be to say nothing at all - yes, a phone conversation could start out awkwardly, and you might say the "wrong" thing, but your aunt will know you care enough to make the call.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I hope you figure out some way to see your aunt, or at least get in touch. As Eileen said, a card or a letter are good option too.
I'm sorry to hear about this. An aunt and my grandma have died while I was away (actually, my grandma died when I was in NZ, but she was in the UK). "Luckily" it happened quickly in both cases, so I didn't have to deal with the stress and difficult choices you're going through. But you still feel you could have done more. Reach out as much as you can, but don't beat yourself up about it if the worst happens and you couldn't be there, because you really never know.
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