Around December 15th I learned that a friend I had been close to in college had given birth to her first child on October 2nd. I hadn't even heard she was pregnant.
As it's once again the season for greeting cards, I've been thinking about keeping in touch with friends and staying connected to their lives, and my frustrations with not being as connected as I would like to be with friends who are far away once again comes to a fore. I often wonder if I am doing all I can do, but also feel disappointed that many friends aren't making efforts I consider equivalent (they never call or rarely initiate contact by other means). My frustration over this even lead me to give up on on two childhood friendships.
I was hurt that my friend didn't let me know she was expecting a child or announce his birth, and I started again with the wheel of "What should I do differently? How can I keep in better touch?".
And then the thought came: what if this is it?
What if there's nothing I could do differently/better?
What if this is how it's going to be?
How depressing. But perhaps necessary.
I think the fundamental problem I have is that I expect a lot of myself (making an effort to keep in touch, for example), I expect other people to make a similar effort, and I'm inevitably disappointed when they don't. The fact that the lack of return effort seems to be across the board among my friends (and not just 2 or 3 people) doesn't help the situation.
I'm torn between trying to keep up my efforts, while accepting that I probably won't see much in return, and moving on. Between trying to maintain something good from the past, and acquiescing to the hurdles of life.
I don't want to seem over melo-dramatic, but maintaining friendships despite distance and time is important for me, and an issue worth the trouble.
So with that note, it's time to write a few more cheery greeting cards.
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